Werewolf Cats… Yeah, Your Eyes Heard That Right. WEREWOLF CATS!

​The internet: it’s where we all live, work, and play. It’s where I’m telling you these things right now. It’s a magical place filled with many amazing and terrible things. But the number one rule of the internet is: Cats. Cute cats to be more precise. Cute cats are to the Internet what sunlight is to plants. It nourishes it, it largely only exists because of it and it could not survive without it. I'm not sure which "it" I was referring to either.

SO WHAT THE HELL ABOUT THIS THEN?!

IT ENUMERATES MY LIFE'S EVERY MISDEED!

Fehkin’ WEREWOLF CATS, MAN! They’re a thing, they exist, and they’ve just replaced “Acid Giraffes” in my nightmare rolodex!

Escaped from a time without time, it has come to tell us of the end!

These horrific things, (that I can only imagine do nothing but pray to die) are the result of a Tennessee breeder crossing “a cat with a naturally-occurring Sphinx mutation and a black domestic short hair to create the Lykoi”, or “Wolf Cat”.

They writhe and roil, a mockery of life, drawing witness to the lie of existence!

Now--and I’m a cat person, always have been--these things make me want to build a time machine, travel back to ancient Egypt, and take a rocket launcher to the flying saucer that brought cats to this planet! Oh yeah, that’s how they got here! Science fact!

Adorabominations.

These little sparsely haired lumps of insanity make me question everything that I once held as true and real, and I want to forget I ever saw them, but there is nothing else there when I close my eyes now, but these, these terrible things that have proven once and for good and final that there is no God and that no amount of cute cat videos will ever save us from the rise of the Lykoi! And DO NOT try to say these things are adorable and that I am simply over reacting. They're not and I'm not, and you're wrong!

"Mrow. Go on, go to sleep. I'll be waiting for you there."