The Crying Competition
I've tried to cry on command at least 50 times in my life. The closest I've come is that I can look genuinely grief-stricken whenever I attempt math.
…But no tears yet.
My strategy every time is to think about the saddest things I can. It always brings me to the verge of tears, at which point I think about the successful cry I'm about to achieve, and that pulls me right out of the crying mood. It seems like the only successful strategy for me would be to wait until I have a real personal tragedy, and then challenge as many people as I can to a cry competition.
I've met two women who can cry on command. Apparently this is a skill that some women possess, which means they have a distinct advantage over men. Some women use crying as shortcut to get what they want. If I could cry on command, I would cry back at those women to cancel out our cries, and then I wouldn't have to apologize or buy them a frozen yogurt as reparation.