Philadelphia’s Curd-Jerker Captured! (UPDATE)

This is a follow-up story to the Swiss Cheese Masturbator post released last week.

You can rest easy, little ones, for the streets shall be safe tonight. The alleged "Swiss Cheese Pervert," Chris Pagano was arrested yesterday under threat of police guns filling him with holes like the swiss cheese he masturbated with. Pagano is the dude that was driving around Norristown, PA over the past month, asking ladies to watch him diddle himself with dairy.

The video of Pagano's capture shows a much clearer image of Pagano than the original photo released by the police, confirming that he looks exactly like a guy who would do this sort of thing. Enjoy these mugshots from years past.

I can't help but fully and completely believe that we here at aided the Norristown authorities in their mutanthunt, being that we released this story just a few days prior to his capture. And at the least, I expect to be honored in this year's Labor Day Parade and maybe received some sort of gold key to the city.