Philadelphia Authorities on the Look Out for Swiss Cheese Masturbator
Authorities in Philadelphia are currently on the lookout for a man who has been suspected of harassing women from his car, by requesting that they masturbate him with a block of Swiss cheese. I can only assume that he provides his own cheese, as the odds of finding a willing "Swiss Miss" with that specific dairy product in her purse are slim to none. Then again, who knows what's at the bottom of those things. Also, cruising Wisconsin instead of Philadelphia may be a better, more fruitful option...I don't know, I'm just here to help.
Several women have filed complaints to the po-po regarding the curd-jerker, as one relvealed a message she alledgedly recieved on OKCupid from him:
"I started to compare girls to cheese due to their milky complections, girls are soft, smooth feeling and tend to like dairy products more. That and typical advertising, always using a girl to advertise dairy products. So cheese is what I started to use as a replacement for having sex with girls."
Sure, yeah, no...that makes perfect sense. "I expose myself to women and ask them to 'cheese me off' because they have milky skin and are in ads about cheese sometimes." God! to be a women on OKCupid...luckies!