Hilarious Amazon Reviews for Haribo Gummy Bears
The statement, "everybody's a critic," has a new sister, and her name is "everything has a critic." It's always surprising to learn that the information super highway shares many commonalities of an asphalt highway; lots of traffic, cool scenery and plenty of roadkill. The internet takes you down many unexpected roads--some good, some bad, and porn. But every now and again, the road leads to immense hilarity to be shared with your friends. Welcome to the land of Amazon reviews for Haribo Gold-Bears Gummi Candy: candy that leaves skid marks on the information superhighway, and your underwear.
The reviews section for this particular treat has taken on a life of it's own, where a few creative consumers have put their high school creative writing class to good use, sharing everything from gastrointestinal Gummy horror stories to full on Gummy Novels.
Since their first review titled, "Made Me Sick" on June 13th 2006 by Luke Meyers from Seattle Washington, the section has expanded to 444 customer reviews with an average rating of three stars, which is, well, pretty average.
One of the most popular reviews, based of the amount of people that found it helpful, came from C. Torok on October 3, 2012 and is titled, "Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate." Torok's story garnered over 26,000 people that found his tale helpful. Here's an excerpt:
"Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors." Read full review here.
Amazon user Crystal Ewig also chalked up a few supporters with her "I am so sorry Mrs. (teacher's name)" titled post, that simply read:
"Same story as all of the above only here is MY ending...'and I was never asked to send snacks to my daughter's class again.'"
Here's one from user Sims:
"I sneezed out of my butthole."
Despite Sims' anal allergy, he curiously still gave the product five stars. Hmm.
Go read more tales of gastrointestinal woe here!