I played the original Borderlands on the Xbox 360 for more than 100 hours. If I spent that much time on a skill, I would possess a skill.

I don’t regret a goddamn thing though, because Borderlands allowed me to be the badass I always knew I was inside: The kind who can run up to a psychopathic murderer and score a headshot to the head of his goddamn groin without him knowing I was even there, because I was invisible.

I’ve watched videos of Borderlands 2. New powers, new bad guys I want to kill, more guns, more character development. I’m so excited, I feel like a crack head with a new dollar.

Local co-op in Borderlands meant that I could play video games, still have a robust social experience with my friends, and not have to talk about anything real or sincere because we had monsters to kill instead. There was a guy I played with 3 times a week, who I consider a very good friend, and I didn’t know his last name for the first 2 years of our friendship. Borderlands 2 is going to have that same local co-op play that previously helped me avoid stumbling across annoying information about my friends.

Finally, in Borderlands 2 you can drive a car that throws barrels of acid, which is an example of something I didn’t know I needed until I found out it existed.

Borderlands 2 comes out tomorrow and smokin’ Jesus titty cinnamon it’s gonna be SWEET!