• Judging from how much sneezing and sinus infections there have been lately, there is no doubt that spring is in the air. And with spring comes baseball season, which also puts things into the air, such as balls and pennants and most noticeably, profanity. Baseball is--or at least used to be before the internet--America's pastime, and cursing is baseball's pastime. You can't get within three rows of a diamond without hearing a slough of expletives, not to mention the high frequency of unapologetic crotch adjustment and spit wads all over the ground.

    Ball players are some of the most talented over reactors out there. With one missed call, any member of the team can transform an umpire from a neutral third party to the most hated man in America. Check out the these videos of South Georgia Peanuts(?) manager Wally Backman getting really upset over a game played by grown men.

  • ​Information and criticism about yourself is always hard to digest, especially when it comes from somebody you think makes the same mistakes. It's much more difficult to come to the realization that you've been a tool when others around you are the same kind of tool. But nothing feels better than being the critic--except being a critic who can express your criticisms via chart and/or graph. Yeah, that probably feels pretty good. Take a gander at these clever societal "pick-a-parts" from the fine humans known as Wumo. More specifically, Wumo is made up of Danish writer Mikael Wulff and cartoon artist Anders Morgenthaler.

  • ​The lazy person in me loves this idea whereas the rent-payer and food-eater in me has a few questions. A movement has arisen recently that proposes the idea of reducing the "normal" 40-hour work week down to about 21 hours. Frankly, I can't trust my own motives when trying to form an opinion on wether this a good idea or not.

    Surprisingly enough, this study isn't being propagated by folks who sound like Matthew McConaughey and look like The Big Lebowski. In fact, there is a serious group of intellectuals over in the UK, who believe a "chopped in half" work week could benefit everything from our personal happiness to our global carbon footprint. Here's a snippet from the organization's manifesto:

    "A much shorter working week would change the tempo of our lives, reshape habits and conventions, and profoundly alter the dominant cultures of western society. Arguments for a 21-hour week fall into three categories, reflecting three interdependent ‘economies’, or sources of wealth, derived from the natural resources of the planet, from human resources, assets and relationships, inherent in everyone’s everyday lives, and from markets. Our arguments are based on the premise that we must recognize and value all three economies and make sure they work together for sustainable social justice."

    Sadly, even if this idea has the potential to crush society beyond repair, I think it's still worth a try. God I'm lazy.

  • ​Would you like to be able to understand important social issues like how you might be able to afford to care for yourself after retirement, but years of playing video games has made it impossible for you to process any information that isn’t delivered to you via pixel-based representations of coins and numbers? Well you’re in luck, American mind-mushed learner of things! The Citizen Primer project is going to be releasing a series of easily eye-digestible videos explaining in very basic 8-bit visuals some fairly important subject such as: “Medicare, The Affordable Care Act, securities regulation, the deficit/debt and the progressive tax code”. But to get you started on your side scrolling path of learning, let’s take a blocky look at “Social Security”.

    What better way to get these important messages of "domestic US politics" to their intended target of “low-information voters” than via the kitschy language of Super Mario Brothers-style coin collecting? I’m looking forward to future videos in this series where urban overcrowding is represented by managing the placement of Tetris pieces while the importance of preparation and the Second Amendment is explained by wizards in caves handing out small arms to wandering strangers.

  • I know I've made an article called "The Cutest Animal on Planet Earth" before (about the tree kangaroo), and though my dedication to its cuteness is still strong, I have to put him second, because the slow loris...

  • Jerry Allen Bradford, 37, in Florida claimed he couldn't find homes for his 3 month shepherd mix puppies so he decided to put them all down himself with a .38. But I bet the man didn't count on the puppies fighting back.

    At some point one of the puppies decided he's not going out like that, reaches out with a paw, pulls the trigger while it's aimed at the man, and then--BANG! PUPPY JUSTICE. Bradford gets shot in the wrist, making future genocides far more difficult. (Also, I'm pitching a show called "Puppy Justice" to a few networks right now so don't steal the name).

  • ​Now, I’m not a parent. Not that I haven’t thought about the joy of bringing the wondrous gift of life to the innards of someone I care for deeply. Regardless of the deepness of my love-giving, there’s always the fear that--no matter how good a parent you might be, no matter how hard you try to give the fruits of your loins everything that those little fruit loins need to succeed in this big crazy world--there’s always the chance that it might not be enough, and that your daughter might one day be pulled over and discovered to have used her tender anatomical pocket as a covert firearm holster. It’s a very real fear that this woman made real and that prevents me from wanting to start a family.

    That's someone's daughter--not a gun safe!
  • What if classical musicians were alive today? Well, they’d be hundreds of years old and begging to be put out of their misery, probably. But what if the likes of Bach, Beethoven and Mozart were around and non-torturously aged in today’s current music industry? Well, aside from the obvious collaborations with Pharrell and some magnificent battling dis tracks in F-minor, they would have to make use of the medium of the music video to get their fat beats out to the masses. And it’s that kind of speculative imagineering that seems to have led the folks at B-Classic to create contemporary music videos for some classical pieces. Just take a gander at the ass shaking and hair flipping of this video for Dvořák’s “Symphony No. 9”.

  • Bikini contests are supposed to be family oriented events that end in promises of being made into a star. But in this video, after the beach drinks show up and the egos swell with alcohol, the claws come out.

    While one contestant is on stage running through her classically trained choreographed dance moves, another lady is in the crowd trying to have a contest of her own called "See who can get an STD the fastest." This "woman" decides the stage is a better place to showcase her STD collection, so she makes her way there, and then--out of nowhere--she shoves the contestant off the stage and into the pool; right before the poor contestant's finishing move that I think starts with chugging a beer and ends with throwing up a beer.

  • Most fortunes from fortune cookies are as interesting to toss in the recycling as they are to read, but every once in a while you'll get a fortune from some wise or hilarious fortune writer who pumps and prints out golden little nuggets of philosophy or humor worth every second (of the one second it takes to read them). Enjoy these 14 really great fortunes:


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