• ​A dog was tangled up in a wire fence until an officer cuts it free. It's hard to tell exactly how the dog was stuck, but by the sounds the poor pup makes while the officer cuts through the wiring, he was there for too long. The dog wags its tail when the officer comes near to help him; I'd be excited too if I was stuck on a fence and someone with thumbs showed up.

    Once the dog is free, he starts limping away, and the officer then gets distracted by an old woman who probably called him in the first place once she saw the dog stuck on the fence. But he doesn't have time to chit chat with the sweet old lady because the dog is now on the run. On the limp. 

    The officers thinks he lost the now freed dog and then, to his surprise, he finds the dog sitting somewhere unusual. Maybe it was the dog's way of letting the officer know that the man who frees him is the man who owns him. At least until the dog saves the officer's life once and thus returns the favor.

  • Financially desperate times cause us to compromise our standards for quality. Sometimes we have to turn to those who don't have as much competence in their field as their more expensive contemporaries. But there are things in life where skimping shouldn't be an option, like, body augmentation for example. A sagging "this or that" would be hard to live with, especially after dropping your hard-earned money for that "upgrade". And the body augmentation of dead animals is no exception.

  • At first nobody knew why Alison Michelle Ernst, a 36-year-old, shoe-throwing weirdo (activist?), hurled a shoe at former first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, but after speaking with Ernst, we now know: she's just crazy. 

    But it leaves so many questions: How and why did this happen exactly? Do you take your own shoe off and go home with one shoe after you throw it? And if you go out one day knowing full well that you are a "shoe thrower" do you bring an old pair you wanted to get rid of anyways? If the shoe has athletes foot fungus inside, is it considered a chemical weapon? 

    In this case, she brought a spare shoe in her purse, pulled it out and threw it, but much like her point, the shoe missed the mark. 

    I'm gonna bet that the people who throw shoes are the same kind of people who throw bottles on stage at rock concerts, and if they were chimps they would be the ones who fling their primate poop. 

    I don't know much about Hillary Clinton, but I know that getting a shoe thrown at her was probably one of the least embarrassing moments in her life. 

  • I've never known the ins and outs of the rap industry, but I'm quite certain that an attached penis is an intricate part of the gig. How else would your swag emit legitimacy but with an "uncut-off" sex pistol? What good is street cred when you're missing the part that benefits most from it?

    Via TMZ
  • ​“Doing things for the right reason, just because,” is essentially the message of this next video. This ad encourages you to do the right thing, not for what it might gain you, not because you expect anything in return, but because if you do the right thing--simply because it’s the right thing--your kindness and beauteous spirit will be rewarded in ways greater and more meaningful than anything you'd gain through ulterior motives. Help where you can, when you can, how you can, and the world will be brightened by your actions--a brightness that will gladly shine back down upon you in thanks for your simply being the best version of you.

    It’s a message that you might not expect to be delivered so sweetly by a life insurance company, but our surprise at this genuine, human message from Thai Life Insurance may just seem odd to us because we’re used to all of our insurance messages being written and published by animated lizards. Go out and do something nice for someone, it’s a beautiful day out there.

  • ​Today’s edition of big kids acting like little kids acting like big kids is brought to you by the folks at Cat™ equipment. Let’s say you’re a manufacturer of heavy equipment and construction machines and you need a relatable, easily understandable way to demo your wares. How would you go about that?

    Well, the obvious answer is that you do what any kid who likes stackable block games and Tonka Trucks would do: You stage an 8-ton Jenga game to show off the delicate, operational capabilities of your Excavators and Telehandlers.

    Each of these giant Jenga blocks weighs in at 600 pounds a piece, so it’s fun when (while watching their game), you lose sight of the massive scope of the movements and just experience the same anxious cringes of watching a regular-sized game being played out on your kitchen table. Of course, when this one topples there’s more of a potential for physical injury than a regular game, which usually just ends in yelling at your cousin for shaking the damn table again, and to hell with this--let’s play something else that you assholes can’t so easily cheat at!

  • ​All hail the human race! Masters of all they survey! We hold dominion over this Earth as given to us by our creator, parents! And when any one of the animals that we have tamed to serve our will does finally perish and returns to the aether from whence animal souls traverse to find another mortal coil, its abandoned body is forfeit for us to do with as we wish!

    So let’s stuff us some dead squirrels and make ‘em look like they’re boxing! HA!

    The following contest is scheduled for 140 rounds and is for the Micro-Weight Championship of the Park!
  • ​Here in America, there are different parts of our great nation where pissing on the streets is mandatory. New York City for instance could be considered a street pisser's Mecca. Most of the our townships, cities and counties have general guidelines and rules against the act of public urination, but very rarely are they enforced. In fact, tinkle-tagging the frontside of some sorta brick and mortar erection, has become one of the USA's most prevalent pastimes after 2am. That's right, mom, baseball, apple pie, and outdoor lizard-draining ...USA!

    But if you take a jump across the pond, up a hill and down a road to Sweden, you'll find a much different attitude over there. Oh, they don't mess around and get the law involved if they come across a roadside reliever. They've found a way to fight water with water, by arming a gentleman with a water cannon to do their bidding. Why spend the time writing a ticket and draining public funds to take care of these offenders, when you can just blast them with six gallons of speeding liquid to face?

  • ​Before we go any further--and we haven't gone far yet--let's just thank the blue heavens that the tweet and picture about to be shared in this story wasn't inspired by any fast food chains. Because I'm sure it would stain my soul so hard that I'd never eat KFC or Arby's again.

    Luckily(?) the tweet and pic were roused by the 7th ranking airline within the United States, US Airways. Still unsure of the who, what, when, where and whys of the situation, US Airway's twitter account was snatched up by a prankster, who thrust upon the world an image of a toy airplane that had tragically crashed into a woman's child-hole. To be fair, the picture shows no evidence of a landing strip.

  • ​Usually when you hear about a flash mob, the first thing that comes to mind is a smattering of folk all suddenly holding perfectly still in an otherwise busy public place for a couple minutes and BLOWING PEOPLE'S GOD DAMN MINDS. Or so they'll tell you. Either that or a bunch of people in trench coats or mysteriously matching attire inexplicably milling about someplace, freaking out the security personnel of the area who now have to start remembering how their walkie talkies work and which channel calls their manager. 

    But in the case of this video, the flash mob has been infused with class, and it subverts the usually lame and tedious to instead give an impromptu classical interlude to an afternoon full of people lucky enough to be on that street, at that moment. Enjoy the Flashmob Symphony of Vallès Symphony Orchestra and friends:


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